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It gets my goat...

Rail Rage

One of the biggest irritants in England these days just has to be travelling on the railways. It's all down to privitisation we all say... but if we cast our minds back, hasn't it always been like this? I remember back in the eighties during my student days I relied on the railways a lot, and they were always letting me down. Things were so bad at one point that British Rail even based a whole ad campaign on it - effectively saying: "look, we know things haven't been going well recently, but we can change...". Remember We're Getting There?

Actually, I think I was right the first time. It is worse now. However there are a number of irritants about travelling by train that I don't think are ever going to go away no matter how much money is thrown at them. This is largely because they're caused by the passengers.

Firstly - the seat numbering. Now I don't have a problem with there being two seats numbered 20 in a carriage - one facing the direction of travel and one not. However, every single bloody time I travel by long distance train, which always involves seat reservations, you can be certain that at every stop a brace of brain-dead individuals will get on and walk clumsily up the aisle peering first at the reservation tickets on the seats and then at the tickets in their hands before self-righteously saying to me, "Excuse me, I think you're in my seat!" I then have to call upon my limited reserves of calm as I patiently explain to them the difference between the letter F and the letter B. People are stupid! It's as simple as that - I don't know why the train companies don't just accept this and number all the seats uniquely.

What almost makes up for this though are the expressions on the faces of people who haven't reserved a seat when they enter the carriage. The stunned disbelief and slow realisation that they're going to have to stand all the way to Edinburgh always makes my day.

Now, going to the loo on a train is uncomfortable enough without the illiteracy of your fellow passengers intruding upon it. But no, more often than not I'll be sitting there, door locked, knees uncomfortably wedged against the sink then someone tries the door. Then kicks it. Then tries it again. Excuse me, but what part of "Engaged" do you not understand?

And these so called Quiet Carriages. Have you ever been in one? I'm sure they only came into being because of the depth of Mobile Phone Envy (remind me to tell you my theories about that some time) around when not everyone had one. The only rule in a Quiet Carriage seems to be that you're not allowed to use your phone. Screaming babies, drunken conversations about football and raucous laughter are apparently fine.

All in all it's enough to drive you back onto the roads.