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Bush declares war on Earth's core

Following last month's earthquake in the mid-west which left hundreds dead, President Bush yesterday declared war on the Earth's core.

"Our principles and our security are challenged today by geological forces and powers that accept no law of morality and have no limit to their violent ambition," he said during a emergency address to the United Nations, "The lithosphere, the asthenosphere, the Gutenberg discontinuity, the outer core and the inner core all form an Axis of Evil about which the Earth is forced to spin.". Bush also expressed his gratitude for the support his "War on Seismic Activity" was gaining from the UK and other nations.

"Many nations represented here have joined in the fight against geological terror and the people of the United States are grateful," he said.

The decision, revealed last night, to deploy headquarters personnel for an army corps and a Marine Expeditionary Force through the Earth's crust the were the first significant moves which the Pentagon could not pass off as either routine or simply connected with exercises. It is understood that the long term US plans for the region involve drilling a hole in the bottom of the Marinas Trench and draining the Atlantic Ocean into the mantle. General Spielskopft, in charge of what has become known as Operation Inevitable Revenge, said that the US hoped to replace the magma with a democratically elected rocky residuum.
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